And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
