Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
