I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize