Barsexuality is the new black.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
