I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
