are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
