He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
