If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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