i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
