Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sponge bath it is.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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