I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
