whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
