my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
