remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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