I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
