Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize