You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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