Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
