we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
