Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
