just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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