I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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