How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
