I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
