I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize