i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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