What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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