Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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