Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
