I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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