have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize