he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
