I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
