ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it glows. i had to have it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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