if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
