CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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