the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
