As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
