I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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