Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
