i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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