____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize