she was so not down for the gang bang
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
