i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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