Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
