she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
