Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
