I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
