I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
