So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
