And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
