I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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