Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
