You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
