just survived the first fart of the relationship.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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