Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
