Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
