bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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