hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
