she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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