two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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