Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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