You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
