i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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