So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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