am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
