well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
